So often we hear people ask the question, "Why does he/she/they treat me/us so badly?". The honest a wer, in most cases, is "Because you let him, her or they!"
If that seems too simple an a wer, think of it this way. You make a date for lunch with someone new. They arrive twenty minutes late, citing traffic, office hold u , the weather, their car or their kids. Of course, things do ha en to detain even the best intentioned person. You accept the apology and have a lovely lunch. The next time you have lunch with this person, they are thirty minutes late. Aha, there may be a pattern developing. What do you do?
Unle you do not mind this behavior, you then have the o ortunity to teach that person how to treat you. Good communication skills come into play. You can say something like, "One of the things I've found works for me is to be honest with people. I really enjoy your company and would like to continue meeting for lunch. I know things come up at the last minute and sometimes traffic can be horrendous. I'd like us to agree that either of us can leave if the other is more than fifteen minutes late? Would that be all right with you?" This clearly communicates what you need and want without ascribing blame. It builds relatio hip when you make clear agreements with people. Would it be all right with you if an employee came to work co istenly one-half hour late? No, there is an agreement about the starting time, i 't there? The same is true of our own time.
One of my favorite quotes comes from John Powell. In his book, The Secret of Staying in Love, he wrote that "the genius of good communication is to be totally kind and totally honest at the same time." I repeat this quote often to remind myself how to a roach teaching people how to treat me. If I do not tell the truth about what works for me, I ca ot expect another person to honor and re ect it. Learning to teach people how to treat us takes practice.
You may still have folks who have been in your life for a long time who take advantage of you, treat you poorly, or are angry, abusive or violent. A habit has been established and they may like it a lot! Co ider telling them the truth about how their behavior affects you and what changes would make the relatio hip feel more re ectful and caring for you. Be both honest and kind. Be prepared to have to repeat this information co istently over time. It is sometimes "inconvenient" for these folks to remember that you have now stated your preferences. They may not want to change. Holding these boundaries also requires attention on your part. Once you have asked for the change, you must i ist on it or co ider giving up the relatio hip. Both of these tasks take positive self-esteem and self-confidence.
Relatio hi worth having are mutually re ectful and re o ive. Think about how you might like to a ly these thoughts in your daily life.
(C) Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved worldwide.
About The Author
International eaker, facilitator, coach and author Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is an expert motivator helping busine es pro er and people flourish. She gives her audiences and clients the i ights and strategies to shift their results from acceptable to EXCEPTIONAL in life and busine . Invite her to lift your people to higher levels of motivation, productivity and collaboration. Free ezines. Free online community. www.OptimizeLifeNow.com
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